#i can't look over my writing and say 'that or that is lacking' or 'thats such a bomb ass X or Y“

[sweeteastart]

Having post anxiety about posting some kind of art and not another is weird.

I've been posting my artwork continually since 2016 and never got much anxiety over it. Threw it into the void with some broken English and forgot it existed the next second. I even started posting my Cosplays about 3 years ago. Which is basically me in a costume and it also never put any pressure on me. It's kinda whatever.

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MY WRITING.

BOY, OH BOY AM I TERRIFIED.

My writings were the first thing I ever shared publicly back in my teenage years. It was in my native language in the glory days of wattpad and it was soooo disastrous but fun. At some point I stopped. I got into drawing and it took a step back.

However, now that I'm older ... I get unreasonably afraid about sharing my work. The moment I share my words publicly, i feel pressured. Somehow I have this "it has to be perfect" or "I'll be judged into oblivion" mentality that plagues my mind.

My best guess is that I can't judge how good I am at it unlike with my art and cosplay. My brain can't analyse the words on the page and give it an appreciation. So I feel like it's automatically awful.

It may not be. It might be good. But I don't know that. That's so scary as an artist to put work out there that you, it's very own creator, can't analyse critically. Scary that people will judge it and you won't be able to defend it because YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S WORTH.

Don't get me wrong. I fricking love writing. I've been doing it on and off without posting it for almost ten years. It's a hobbit that i will cherish no matter what people might say about it.

It's just.... Anxiety. Pressure. Striving to be better at my craft. A craft that's been 10 years in the making.... Yet I don't know where I am in it. I don't know if I'm good, bad or meh. It's so much more terrifying to not know where you are than knowing you're bad at it.

[vxsellie]

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG AND THEN WITH THE AMOUNT OF MAKEUP READER SPENT HOURS CHOOSING SHE DOES ELLIE'S MAKEUP :3333

Iloveyawritingdidisaidthat

summary. ellie williams x hyper-femme!reader headcannons notes. ok so i may or may not have lost your initial req???? dont ask how that happened bc i literally have no idea. tumblr fucking disintegrates my asks sometimes & now ur first one is fucking gone?? i have some good news tho! i took a ss so i can still write exactly what u wanted, but i just can't reply to it normally & have to instead respond to this one :((( warnings. foul language, kissing, idk?? there's basically no warnings, this is literally tooth-rotting fluff

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆despite your opposing tastes, ellie fucking adores you. she literally couldn't care less for what clothes you wear or how you present yourself. she loves you and thats that, nothing else matters.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆what she can't stand, however, is fucking shopping.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆the crowds of people, the smell of perfumes, the sound of crinkling bags, the feel of so many eyes. oh how she hates it.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆but the moment you enter the mall and she watches you face light up, her own personal misery is made worth it. every ounce of loathing in her body vanishes, leaving her with only adoration and love for the excited girl beside her.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you're unafraid to spend hours in one store, making sure to sift through each and every article of clothing the store has to offer. your eyes are bright, your hands moving fluidly. it's almost alluring to simply watch you in your natural habitat.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆ellie stands over your shoulder, arms crossed as she watches you. as you sidestep to another rack of clothes, your mouth is moving at a shocking speed, speaking about something completely fucking random. and if ellie's being completely honest, she hasn't processed a single word.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"how d'you think this would look?" you ask, spinning on your heel to face ellie. you're holding a top in front of your torso, peering down at yourself as you struggle to envision yourself wearing it.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"uh, i dunno," she replies, giving a nonchalant shrug as she averts her eyes.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you groan at her lack of interest, tossing the shirt over your folded arm and mentally reminding yourself to try it on before you leave.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆as you two continue to float about the shop, you take notice to ellie's misery. you've been talking about cheese for the past ten minutes just to see if she'd say something. and, just as you'd suspected, she didn't. she simply nodded and hummed along just as she'd been doing all day.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆suddenly, your gaze lands on something that you're sure will get her attention. in an attempt at subtlty, you direct her over there, moving around as casually as possible as to prevent her noticing what you're heading toward.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"what about this then?" you ask, grabbing another shirt. you hold it in front of yourself. she hums, raising a brow as she looks you up and down. her eyes suddenly widen at the sight.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"please buy it." she begs. her wide eyes are still pinned to the shirt in your hands as she utters a second, "please?"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you giggle at her desperation, "okay. i'll buy the shirt if you promise me something."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"anything."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"i want you to promise me that you'll be less boring." you tell her with a pointed expression. "for the rest of the day."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"what? i haven't been boring!" she's quick to defend herself, face controrted with offence, showing her sincerity in her belief of innocence.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"yes you have! you haven't been listening to me at all!" you exclaim before crossing your arms with a pout. "you look confounded."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆see, you and ellie have been together for four years. you know her and she knows you. and you both know that this isn't an actual argument. it's just a small moment of bickering between you. however, despite the lack of seriousity to the discussion, your emotions are still just as real as they would be if you were actually arguing.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆ellies face drops. she didn't mean to make you feel unheard or anything of that sort. she grabs you hand, tracing gentle circles along the hills of your knuckles. she gives you an apologetic glance. "i'm sorry baby, it's—" she frowns, "i don't enjoy this the way you do."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"i know," you sigh. you adjust your hands so that the pad of your thumb is fumbling with her forefinger. you trace the small scar there, a tiny cut in the bed of her nail that you've memorized the placement of. "i just love shopping, and i love you. and i love being with you. i just— i wish you liked it as much as i do because i have tons of fun shopping with you, even if you hate it. simply being in your company makes me happy, els."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she frowns, brows furrowing as she thinks. when an idea strikes her, she gives you a mischevious smirk. "how about this." she points at the bundled shirt on your arm. the one she begged you to buy only moments prior to this. "i'll buy that dinosaur shirt for you. but you have to wear it for the rest of the day. if you do that, i promise to do whatever you want me to. i'll even go in the perfume store."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you glance down at the shirt. it's black and frayed and absolutely not your style. it looks like something you'd find in a dumpster — hence the reason ellie had begged you to buy it. she knew it wasn't something you'd never wear. and, on top of that, there's a design in the center depicting a skeleton of a dinosaur smoking a cigarette with sunglasses.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆ellie watches you with an amused expression, interested to hear your reply. finally, you look up at her with a smirk, "deal."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆the rest of the day is spent in mirth. you tried on your clothes and ellie accompanied you in the dressing room, zipping your shirt for you and commenting on which ones she liked. then, when you put on the dinosaur shirt, she had to cover her mouth to stop herself from bursting out with laughter.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆your usually bright and feminine style was now tainted by ellie's stupid dino shirt. but the sight of her wide smile was enough to make you leave the dressing room with it under your arm.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆then, as promised, ellie paid. you thanked her endlessly, swinging her hand as you two exited the store. with your hands still intertwined, she dragged you off into the bathroom and made you put on the dinosaur shirt. you egressed the girls' bathroom with a pout on your lips; an amused smirk on ellie's.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆after that, you went to the food court and got smoothies. this time, you refused to let ellie pay (she ended up doing it anyway behind your back).

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆smoothies in hand, you made your way toward the perfume store — ellie's least favorite.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆all week, you'd been complaining about how you'd ran out of yor favorite perfume and had to use your backup. ellie reassured you that you still smelt great, but you felt no consolation from her words. so, when you dragged her to the mall, she knew you were bound to drag her to the perfume store as well. she's been (very verbally) dreading it all day.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"oh my gosh!" you squealed upon entering the store. ellie wrinkled her nose at the scent, her expression instantly turning sour. you rolled your eyes, grabbing her hand and dragging her over to a specific shelf. "ellie, look! they have my favorite!"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"perfect. grab it and we can leave." she grumbled.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆at the sound of her complaining, an idea popped into your head. a cruel one, yes, but an idea nonetheless. ellie quickly noticed the look on your face, her entire demeanor sagging with trepidation for what you're about to say.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"actually, els, i heard they just revieced a ton of new autumn scents." you said, running your hand down her arm innocently. "would you be the best girlfriend ever and help me choose a second perfume?"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she glared at you, "a second? you already have fifty!"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"what was our deal, baby?" you remind her, tugging down at the hem of your shirt to draw her attention to the hippie dino she forced you into.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆with a frown, she agrees to your conditions. you nearly jump with excitement, grabbing her hand as you pull her over to the newly-stocked autumn shelves. you take time to sniff every single one, shoving the bottle into ellie's nose right after. she coughs and hacks dramatically each time, causing some other shoppers to glance in your direction.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆eventually, the you narrow the choices down to two scents that you like the most. ellie gave you her opinion a few times, but mostly prefers to just smile and nod befrore choking back a gag at the strong smell of the store,

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"damn it, i don't know which one to pick. this one is more sweet and isn't as strong. but that one is more tangy and stronger." you mutter to yourself, holding a bottle in each hand as you glance between the both of them alternately. ellie watches with an unreadable expression as you struggle to pick. with a pitiful frown, you turn to ellie for help. she roll her eyes, but ends up pointing to the one in your left hand. you scowl at her "oh you're just saying that because it's less strong."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"well, yes, that plays a factor." she admits. "but i also like that scent more, eucalyptus is nice at this time of year. plus, the sweetness suits you better than the tang."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you stare at her with a soft smile, pupils blown. you stand on your tip toes and press a kiss to her lips. "thanks, els. it means a lot to me that you put effort into your decision."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she kisses you back, pulling you flush against her. she's needy and passionate. you giggle against her, having to pry yourself from her arms to get away from her personified desire. she frowns but lets you go, once again insisting to pay when the two of you reach the counter. this time you manage to pay without her tricking you.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆the next store is the makeup shop. she helps you pick out the right foundation, having memorized everything about you down to your exact skin tone. she picks out the correct one within seconds — something that would have taken you half an hour to find. she then picks out your lipstick, begging you to buy the brightest red imaginable as she claims it'd be funny.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆after that, you go to the jewlery store, purchasing a new pair of earrings and a few bracelets. the lady who worked there was super sweet, aiding you with your pick when you were trying to decide between two options.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"got you something," ellie whispers into her ear as the two of you exit the shop. you give her a curious look, wondering what she's gotten up to this time. ellie reaches behind her back to reveal a bag from the jewlery store. you raise a brow at this. she pulls a necklace from inside, a pink diamond pendant at the center. you've been dying for a necklace like this for weeks. you hadn't even realized ellie knew about your yearning for one. "d'you like it?"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"like it?" you ask. "baby, i love it!"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you turn around and she clasps it on for you, her fingers grazing your the skin on the back of your neck. your hairs stand on end at the feel of her touch, suddenly longing for more of her.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆the rest of the day, you can't peel your eyes away from your new necklace. you toy with it while shopping and you admire it whenever you pass a window or mirror or literally anything reflective. ellie smiles to herself every time she catches you doing this, proud of herself for having picked it out for you.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she had bribed that worker lady into talking to you while she picked it out and bought it, distracting you from ellie for a few minutes. you were so caught up in the stranger's kindness that you hadn't even realized.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆when you two get home, ellie collapses down onto the couch, her eyes instantly sinking shut at the feel of the cushion swallowing her whole.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you allow her a few minutes to relax, rushing about your shared apartment as you add your newly purchased belongings to your closet, bathroom, jewlery box, and makeup bag. all the while, you can't help but find yourself enjoying the stupid dino shirt. it's comfy and reminds you of ellie's love for you.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"els!" you call out from the bathroom while you're adding your new tube of mascara to your bag. in a matter of seconds ellie is in the bathroom with you, asking what's wrong. you peck her cheek before pushing her down onto the closed toilet seat.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she's confused at first, eyes wide. but then you turn to face her with your makeup in your hands and she instantly grimaces. "oh god no."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"please, baby?" you plead, giving her your best puppy dog eyes.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she rolls her own, deciding to just give in. after the long day she's had, why not just continue to give you what you want? plus, after all she's been through, she ought to admit shopping isn't that bad. you were right. it's fun to simply be in the company of someone you love.

⋆౨ৎ��⟡˖ ࣪┆you kneel in front of her, wide smile on your face. you decide to only do a few small things — eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, and a bit of blush.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆the eyeliner takes for fucking ever because ellie has no idea how to stop moving. not to mention, she squeezes her eyes every time you get too close for comfort, which causes the eyeliner to smudge and rub away. after a horrifyingly long amount of time spent on perfecting the liner, you finally move on to mascara.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you order her to open her eye and look up while you cake the makeup on. she does as she's told, opening them as you instruct. she's almost proud of herself until she ends up blinking every time the mascara touches her lashes.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"oh my god, ellie," you say through laughter, on the verge of giving up.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"don't laugh at me!" she exclaims. "i feel stupid enough as is."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"no you look beautiful, baby." you assure her, lenaing forward to give her a tiny kiss on her lips. "it's just funny because i know how strong you are. to watch someone so utterly fearless flinching at a mascara brush is fucking hilarious."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"okay yeah, that's pretty funny."

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆when you finally manage to get the mascara on her (yes it's all around her eyes and on her eyelids), you move on to add lipstick. the moment you pop open the lid, she's grinning at you.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"what're you so giddy about?" you ask her with an amused expression.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"what? nothing." she says, turning away from you with a genuine frown.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆when the realization hits you that ellie is actually excited to put on lipstick, you decide not to tease her. you know how much ellie struggles with femininity, uncomfortable in dresses and therefore feeling inferior in her own body.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she doesn't want to wear dresses. not necessarily. it's just the fact that she'd grown up wearing baggy clothes and being bullied for looking like a boy. sometimes she doesn't feel like she could ever fit in with girls or relate to them on any level despite being one herself.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆it's a dauntingly complex relationship she has with her girlhood, but you're always sure to be sensitive around the topic.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆she opens her mouth and you rub the lipstick along her lips. she blinks a few times, her eyes still feeling uncomfy with the feel of the heavy mascara and restricting eyeliner.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆you stare at her mouth for longer than you'd care to admit, admiring the plush pink to the skin. the moment you finish, she's rubbing her lips together the way she'd watched you do so many times in the mornings when getting ready. you watch her with a small smile, enamored by everything to do with her.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"you're so pretty, ellie." you say. "i'm really lucky to have you, y'know that?"

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪┆"i'm luckier."

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 perm. taglist. @luvsturniolo @xlovla @kasqnxx @ilovewomenfr @zzombiegirl @elliessweetheart

[cynarisgayass]

hear me out: billy takes a commission to capture a criminal/bandit reader, but falls in love with them on accident. sorta hero x villain trope type of scenario idk

𓍊𓋼~Caught with your heart on fire~𓋼𓍊

Type: Oneshot

Description: I'm hearing you loud and clear hehe! Honestly one of my favourite tropes! Also I'm sorry but I was so hungry while writing this and it shows a little. I hope you still find it enjoyable T-T

Rating: Fluff/ Funny

Reader: GN criminal/thief, a little sassy

Featuring: Billy kid

Billy kid:

" Hey! Wait up! Can't we just chat?? You look like a fan of TV shows!! We could watch one together sometime!" Billy called out to you from about 40 feet away, trying to close the gap so he'd have a easier time apprehending you...and failing miserably. You were faster then him and wayy better at navigating areas, but he did have you beat on charisma...or so he thinks.

"Sorry, not interested fanboy~" You winked at him, clicking your tongue at his lack luster attempts to catch you...he was clearly not great at it. "Maybe after a few drinks and a whole lot of cash..."

He chuckled loudly, enjoying your banter, "That seems harsh, but none the less, I'm sure I could win you over! I make a mean Mac n cheese and don't even get me started on my dinosaur nuggets!!" He lunged at you, lazily and you dodged with ease...always keeping that distance between the two of you.

"Mac n cheese... dinosaur nuggets...? What are you? A five year old.." Your words were dripping with sarcasm and your smirk could kill, but then it hit you. When had you fully stopped trying to get away?? You could literally leave him in the dust and yet you were drawing the conversation out...

"Are you saying you don't like Mac n Cheese and dinosaur nuggets? Cause we may not be compatible then.."

"..." You bit your bottom lip as he tried to step closer, "I think thats enough chatter for today. I have things to steal and people to see." Your body moved further away on instinct and yet you were starting to feel a bit anxious, knowing you didn't mind talking to him...was freaking you out a little.

"Awe but we haven't even gotten to if you like toast yet! What about a dinner date?? Or movies? Come on...you know you want to talk to me a little longer." He made a pouty face at you, putting the tips of his pointer fingers together like a shy anime girl.

You had to hold back your laughter at how silly he looked, "Maybe another time. Byee fanboy~~" You threw a smoke bomb at the floor and quickly scurried away, leaving him happily counting down the minutes till the next time the two of you would play this game of catch me if you can.

Feel like I should write a part 2 where they actually get together.

[nuhuhwinniethepooh]

Summer Day

Synopsis : It was a stupid question really but now you just can't help but wonder, what if...nvm, Satoru just broke the moment again.

Tags : teenBFF!Satoru, GN!reader, Fluff, hand-licking (no it's not a kink), he's a menace (and thats why we love him)

__________________________________________________

It was a normal, summer day. Lolling out on a bench in a park with ice-creams and rolled up sleeves to keep the heat out as flecks of sweat slide down your cheeks.

It was a normal day...until it wasn't.

Watching pairs of couples walking past you had given you the bright idea to question the grumbling white-haired boy, your bestfriend a question that you would never have asked otherwise.

"Satoru," you start, turning to look at him sprawled out with his head thrown back over the bench and an empty ice-cream stick sticking out of his mouth..."should I even bother-" you think, rolling your eyes at the sight with a sigh.

Satoru lazily turns to look at you, tilting his head a little and you can see his cerulean blue eyes staring at you," hm?"

"Quick hypothetical question. Hypothetically, if we ever become a couple how do you think our chemistry would be like? Like our...y'know what I mean!" You huff from frustration with the lack of words, your melting ice-cream slowly dripping down the cone.

"What's with the sudden idea?" He questions amusedly, leaning his head back on the bench to look at the branches of the tree overhead. "Just the couples around making me wonder what it'd be like," you shrug, taking a bite of your ice-cream.

He hums as he thinks and you're left surprised at the lasting silence, you didn't expect him to actually think about it this hard. So, you say nothing and continue taking small bites of your cone allowing him to think in silence.

"Our chemistry, huh? We'd be the power couple, for sure," He finally answers, stretching a little as he sits up and turns to look at you with a shit-eating grin," We'd be the type of couple that they'd write stories about, the kind of couple that would make the best romance writers have writers block just trying to write one that can top ours."

You gape at him, the melting cream dripping down your hand and onto your shirt," Me with my badassery and you with your sassery," he continues, flicking his empty ice-cream stick at a nearby trashcan.

" Sassery isn't a real word," you giggle, that being the only word you processed. Satoru quirks an eyebrow at you, his usual smug smile back on his face," Sure, it is."

"No, its not,"

"It does exist,"

"Since when?"

"Since now," he retorts, standing up and stretching his arms. You scoff at him and he turns to look back at you," You're getting ice-cream on your uni," he quips, pointing at the soaking cream prints on your shirt.

You cuss a little as you reach for your weapons bag and search for tissues, not noticing the fact that Satoru had come closer to you. You find the tissue and hurriedly turn back to face your ice-cream only to come face-to-face with a smug Satoru, your confused face reflected against his tinted glasses as he bends down and licks the melted cream off your hand, starting from the base of your hand and working his way upto the top, your thumb.

He pulls away and looks at you from beneath his sunglass with a smirk before turning to the side," Would you look at that, Suguru and Shokos here too!" He quips, waving at the two figures as he picks up your half eaten cone off of your hand, gobble it up in a bite and start to walk towards the two...leaving you stunned, sitting and...ice-creamless.

A slew of curses directed at him pours out of your mouth as realization hits you, furiously wiping your hand and shirt with the tissue but all you can hear is Satoru's echoing laughter.

You reach for your weapons bag.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-♡-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Bonus:

Satoru licks his lips, the lingering sweetness and tingling sensation in his lips was creating flutters in his stomach," Took you guys long enough," Satoru pouts, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Your ears are turning red," Shoko deadpans, not bothering to look up from her phone. "Just the summer heat," Satoru mutters, consciously touching the tip of his ears. He looks at Suguru and narrows his eyes at the smug, knowing smile resting on Suguru's face.

"Suguru" "Yes?" "Shut up"

"I didn't even say anything!" Suguru protests as he leans to the side and looks behind Satoru, his eyes widening.

"Satoru" "Yea?" "What did you do?"

"Nothing, why?" Satoru replies, mockingly offended as he turns around only to see you run towards him...with a katana in hand and your weapons bag slung over your shoulder.

"That's my cue to leave," Satoru mumbles, running away with an angry you in tow, curses spewing out like water from your mouth.

"Should we-" Suguru starts

"We should," Shoko sighs, she could only hope for a living Satoru once you were done with him .

__________________________________________________

A little brain-rot before I start writing my alphabetical series again 🤡

Masterlist

[foern]

hii!! how are you doing?? this is my first time so i applogize if i lack of details/u have a hard time understanding this. May i request for Tokyo Revengers (Mitsuya, Draken, Rindou) where they compliment or just appreciates s/o but she just cries when she heard ut? she kinda barely got attention and praises like that so it kind of melts her heart

they can be like normally say "im so grateful for you" "ur so pretty", but s/o just cries as a response HAHDHSJA I wanna know what theyd do or react, if thats okay ofc! i apologize if im dosturbing your time, i hope u have a great day!

~😻

Anon tysm for this request! I had a lot of fun writing it! I haven’t really read the Manga, so I don’t think I know enough about Rindou to write for him. I replaced him with Mikey, I hope that's okay!

Sorry this id kind of short and took forever, ive been super busy (literally moved to another continent). Anyway, hope you like it!

———————————————————————

Mikey

Mikey’s eyes followed you as you busied yourself in the kitchen, grabbing ingredients to prepare breakfast for the two of you—bacon and eggs. Distracted, you cracked an egg into the hot pan, oblivious to Mikey’s intense gaze. The morning sun streamed through the windows, casting a radiant glow on everything it touched, including you. With messy hair from sleep, clad in Mikey’s sweatshirt, and a bare face, you looked absolutely stunning.

“You’re so pretty.” Your gaze swiftly met the blonde-haired boy's; his eyes sparkled, and a warm, admiring smile graced his lips. There was no doubt in the world that he was anything but sincere.

“Don’t be stupid.” You mumble, an obvious blush creeping its way onto your cheeks. Truth be told, you felt completely hideous that day. Your hair was an unbrushed mess, you had no makeup on, and you were still in your pajamas. A wave of insecurity washed over you; a heavy weight settled itself on your chest. As tears welled up in your eyes you turned back to the eggs, unwilling to let Mikey see you cry.

“Hey, hey, hey, why the tears?” Mikey stands up from his chair and steps in front of me. He rests his hand on my waist, rubbing soothing circles into my skin. The words catch in my throat, making it impossible to articulate the emotions flooding over me. Truth be told, I don't even know why I'm crying. His free hand gently lifts my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze.

"You're beautiful," he reassures, his thumb moving from my chin to caress my lip, "Especially when you're making me breakfast."

——————————————————————

Mitsuya

I delicately run my fingers across the luxurious texture of my dress, savoring the sensation of the soft fabric across my skin. My gaze takes in every detail of the meticulously crafted garment—each stitch, every contour, a testament to its thoughtful design. A nervous smile graces my lips as I turn to meet Takashi’s gaze.

“What do you think?” I ask, my voice carrying a mix of anticipation and vulnerability. A faint blush creeps over my face as I catch him admiring my silhouette. His response, a simple yet sincere "You look absolutely stunning," sends a rush of warmth through me.

His bluntness catches me off guard for a moment. I never really grew up receiving compliments, so even now, they have the power to surprise me. A warm weight settles into my chest as an unexpected wave of emotion washes over me. The confident smile I wore earlier fades, replaced by a genuine, slightly flustered one. Rising from his chair, he makes his way towards me.

As he stands before me, placing a hand gently on my hip and the other softly on my cheek, I can't help but marvel at the tenderness in his touch. I hadn't realized a tear was rolling down my face until he wiped it away with his thumb. My heart melts at this action, his eyes never leaving mine. His unwavering, concerned gaze causes my tears to flow more steadily.

“You mean it?” I manage to utter, my voice carrying a mix of disbelief and gratitude. I honestly don’t know why I’m crying, but in this moment, none of that matters. He shakes his head with a reassuring nod. His hand guides me into a comforting hug, the type you never want to leave. “Of course, but I don’t know why you’re crying though. I think it means I should just compliment you more often.”

[sixbynine-da]

Tagged by  @doonarose!

How many works do you have on ao3?

60

53 are works solely by myself.

2 are large group collabs

5 are podfics.

What’s your total ao3 word count?

364322

250802 is soley mine (6351 in group collabs)

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Good Omens.

Previously 

Buffy, Naruto, Bleach, Sherlock, Harry Potter, LoTR, The Originals, Star Wars. A bunch of other anime series :D

Top five fics by kudos:

Of comforts and Rituals - The Originals fanfic Klaus/Elijah. Feat hair washing - the most intimate thing a couple can do!

Sweet dreams - companion fic for vavoom-sorted comic. Feat unconscious Crowley and his sub conscious insecurities.

A Tricky Situation - Human AU written for the vday exchange. Feat professor's Crowley and Fell. They don't immediately take to one another. 

Oh! My! What a situation - unrelated to above :D. Aziraphale is dropping hints Crowley is not picking up. Feat tartziraphale. My favourite *ziraphale.

It's a ~*DEMON DICK DOWN*~ - Aziraphale attends a summoning gone wrong. Does what it says on the tin. Feat large shouty Crowley.

Do you respond to comments?

Yes!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Published…

Toss up between 

Bad habits - a Lucicrow fic. Crowley has an arrangement with Lucifer that means he doesn't have to face the fact he can't have Aziraphale.

or

Going down in flames - Crowley takes over hell. And not in a cool destroy it from within way.

Unpublished…. I currently refer to it as ‘sad fic’. Human AU. A look back over their life from Az's perspective.

Do you get hate on fics?

Nope not really. Couple odd comments about tags….

Do you write smut?

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Craziest crossover:

Never done cross overs. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of. 

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I'm having one translated right now :D

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've worked on a few group projects and am currently co writing a couple things. Nothing before that though, so these will be my firsts :)

All time favorite ship?

God lord

 How tf can one chose ?

Probably Tony/Steve from MCU

I worked my way diligently through every E rated complete fic on AO3 and read virtually all of them!

What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a couple Naruto ones I will never finish. But I don't particularly want to. So that's fine. 

Want to but doubt…? Honestly I'm a bit worried about sad fic at this point !

What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm, dialogue?

I also seem to be able to just write if I have to as well.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Honestly my attention span. I'm impatient and get bored and want things to hurry along and it shows :D

Total lack of reasearch into anything. ^^;;

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Odd word here or there is fine, if I have to go google entire phrases or consult with footnotes to get important bits of the story....bit annoying.

First fandom you wrote in?

Buffy would be the first published by date but I THINK the first thing I actually wrote was a poem for an obscureish anime called Loveless. They are all still perfectly readable on FFNET because I'm terrible at tidying up myself when I leave :D

Favorite fic you’ve written?

uuugghhhhhh, thats like asking me who my favourite kid is! I'm going with Validation. Because it was the first thing not smut I wrote and where I tried out a different type of writing. It's entirely Crowley POV and more of a character study re his fall. I put a lot into it ^_^

tagging blah blah blah blah : @wingsofopal @theonewiththeshippinggoogles @thenerdalert @fuzzygoblin

[banj0possum]

I wanna investigate your brain, see what's going on in there that helps you give detailed descriptions of characters and your writing/drawing skills 😭

Yes, I am in fact struggling to write essays due to my lack of will or just because I can't 😭🙏

only thing i can say is pinterest, movies, books

literally thats it

dont be afraid to use existing media as inspo for your writing, read similar works, look at pictures on pinterest to help you organize your thoughts and feelings!

impressionism and expressionism big big part of my writing

find a way to convey the feeling you want the reader to feel through writing

but never forget to put your little spin on your writingnngngn

also never use the same word twice and close together!! (thats a personal rule of mine)

like dont just use the ocean to describe blue eyes, use sapphire, a clear sky on a breezy day! use synonyms! go crazy!

hmm hmmm and and be concise, remember that you need your words to flow and such

detailed descriptions? uhhhh main inspo is TAWOG im not kidding

accurate but over the top roasts

a red dress? how would you describe the shade of red? the fabric? the design?

a fiery red silk dress that seemed to gleam in the dim lighting like a priceless treasure

be specific on the desciption!!

sparkle, glimmer, gleam, shine are subtly different

terrifying, eerie, horrifying, uneasy are subtly different

and also, dont forget to have fun! if its not fun to write, its not worth your time

if you have to write it, might as well make it fun to write!

do something that interests you or find ways to make the process more enjoyable for you!

thats kinda all i have for now :) hope it helps!!

[anonymoushotsexyperson]

Thinking a lot about how the inevitability of death is not talked about.

I know you got attention span issues pookie bear so I split this post into sections and you can read whatever your most into if you can't do the whole thing ^_^

SECTION 1 my first encounters with the idea of dying.

I wish I could literally hug John Green for writing the fault in our stars. People can say it's sappy or whatever but it is one of the only mainstream forms of media that successfully acknowledges the inevitability of death and the lack of control we have over it. Though it took a lot more than TFIOS to wake me up to the conversation of dying.

The first time I realized death was a thing I can remember so vividly. I was at least 4 years old, I forgot how the whole conversation went but I remember my dad saying

"well honey everyone has to die one day."

"even you and mom?"

"even me and mom."

He said it so casually while folding laundry in the kitchen not knowing my world view had just completely shattered 😀. I went into our shared bedroom ( I didn't have my own yet because POOR) and cried on my parents bed. I don't know what happened after that. I think I just shoved death into my back pocket and kept it pushing because it was too hard to really grasp at that age. It still is now, but it especially was then.

Section 2 Being someone aware of your mortality and not being able to cope with it.

I think about death a lot now, it's been a reoccurring visitor in my brain since covid. It surprises me that the average Joe doesn't think about death all the time considering the current climate of our world. Im not gonna lie i've developed a bit of thanatophobia (death anxiety). This is because I have always dug myself out of my depressive episodes using knowledge and through that knowledge, understanding my relationship to the world helped me fall involve with living in it. The idea that one day this experience will end and regardless of what you believe whether it's in heaven or reincarnation or whatever we really don't know what's coming next or if there is a next. I don't think i'd necessarily be too keen with an afterlife as well as the idea that an afterlife doesn't exist. Both seem pretty ass, because if there's an after life cool but like what happens after that? You telling me i'm just here for ALL ETERNITY NIGGA? But also the concept of just dying and thats just... it? Kinda stupid and DUMB if you ask me. I think what im really looking for here is control.

Section 3 Does no one talk about death because of capitalism?

Apart of me believes that this thing where people around me tend to avoid the conversation of death or respond like an npc when I do get them to speak about it is due to western cultures obsession with capitalism and power. Because if you contemplate your existence and how both big and small it is, all this capitalism shit becomes kind of extremely fictitious and ridiculous. Like yeah maybe people just don't talk about it because its SCARY but also what if it's so scary because we done talk about it and because we are wasting our lives as wage slaves and in some areas of the world, literal slaves. Also this makes me think a lot about how religions are used as a weapon of conservatism instead of respected as a philosophical and metaphysical analysis of the human experience. There is honestly so many examples of religion-especially religions associated with colonialism-being used to control people. This can be seen and interpreted many ways and most if not all of the most obvious interpretations probably ring true. But what i'm really attempting to segue into here is that religion is uses as a weapon by the powerful in all sorts of ways but the idea that it is used to keep us from pondering death instead of exploring what it's like is something ive been thinking about a lot. You can argue some religious folks specifically follow religion to relieve death anxiety and its always been that way but I think that it now exists on a dissociative level.

Also, the ignorant American I am, I couldn't tell you the part about western civilization playing a big role is from an informed experience it's more so a studious guess. I don't really know what the vibes in other countries are like when it comes to dying I have not gained enough international knowledge and experience yet. So thats where you come in reader. YES you. What do you think?

QOTD: why do you think the conversation around death and the inevitability of it is so hush hush? Where do you believe we 'go' after and how does that make you feel? If you are apart of a non western civilization do you see a cultural difference in our experiences?

[astronnova]

don't know if you still like scatter & wilt, but if you could make it canon (friendship, romance, doesn't matter) how would you do it within the story and if you could bend the canon?

see, thats where you're wrong. i've never stopped liking scatter & wilt. i've been on the scatter and wilt train since i was 14. im over 18 now. the locomotive will not be stopping either. im in this for the long haul

SO LIKE .... okay, in my head, i'd loooove canon s&w, but also i don't think them being a Canon Romantic Pairing would be the best. when i write stories i perosnally don't write that many romances, and in a show like RWBY i think there shouldn't be any focal romances (esp. since the showrunners have proven time and time again they have no idea what the hell they're doing). the show should focus on the character relationships but ... not romantic. dear God not romantically

THIS GOT LONG

IF I WERE TO MAKE S&W (of any form) CANON THOUGH... first we gotta overhaul the whole show. its garbage. we gotta restart. go back to beacon we're starting over.

hell FIRST fix is to make adam & blake not romantic ex's . he was her mentor, she looked up to him, he's like one or two years older than her. adam is mentored by sienna, who stokes the fire of his rage against the humans. blake and adam's falling out is over blake still choosing to see the good in humans while adam rejects them due to his past. he is NOT, i repeat NOT a crazy incel ex. WE ARE NOT DOING THAT HERE! ❌❌❌ NO SIR!

making adam crazy over blake only instead of keeping him focused on his ideals (like v1-(early)3 adam) keeps the faunus subplot from being swept under the rug like it is in canon

THE NEXT FIX. ruby's main struggle is her trying to come into her own as a leader. she has stage fright, she's socially awkward, she was bumped up one grade (ONE, not two this time), and her teammates don't take her seriously because of her lack of field experience despite her being a combat and intellectual prodigy.

the thing that drew me originally to s&w was their shared themes of red/black and roses, specifically rose petals played a huge part in their semblance. both left behind rose petals after using their semblance of speed and disintegration respectfully. it was very , very cool. 14 year old me then thought about how they could be narrative foils too. SO THATS WHAT WE'RE DOING LOL

adam is really interesting as an antagonist because he perfectly foils all four of the main girls. yang and adam with anger issues that are reflected in their semblances (even though v1-3 yang never had issues but whatever), blake for obvious reasons, WEISS for obvious reasons (seriously missed opportuninty), and finally ruby due to their opposing leadership roles.

adam is someone who is comfortable in a leadership role, he knows what he's doing. he's had plenty of experience and those that follow him know his capabilities and greatly respect him. he's an excellent leader, and he's devoted himself to his ideals and fights for his cause. he inspires others to fight with him and follow him. ruby, on the other hand, has no idea what she's doing.

she's awkward, she stutters, and not even her team take her seriously, much less other people. hell, ruby doesn't even have a concrete reason for wanting to become a huntress at this early point, all she knows is that she wants to be a hero and that her mother was her hero and a huntress, so that means being a huntress is being a hero. she doesnt know what being a hero means yet though

adam on the other hand knows what being a hero is, to him at least. its fighting for the people that can't fight for themselves, for the oppressed. using his strength to tear down those that abuse their strength and make them suffer in the opressed's place

apart of me wants to say that adam believes humans should instead be oppressed for. like. narrative reasons i guess? but also heres the thing i am aware that i am not able to do this subplot justice and def cant write up a nice draft on my first try right here. so i am going to politely leave it there for anyone else with more experience with this topic to attempt adding on if they wish. i think the main point im trying to make is that adam's idea of heroism needs to be strong, yet also he has to be wrong in some sort of way which is what separates him from the protagonists. he Goes To Far, or something. i dont know. i dont think i can write that well enough at this point in time too

so all this set up comes to this: their relationship. i think having ruby and adam meet outside of any combat related circumstance would be a pretty cool way to have them introduced to eachother, and opens up the chance for dialogue. i can't see them attempting to talk during a fight, and the only fight i can think of happening with the white fang is the breach in v2 where ruby and adam could meet. but at that point, ruby would either know about adam through blake and be wary, or blake would see adam and point out who he is. my point is that i think they need to meet outside of their own circles for a real chance at having them converse with narrative weight. could also make it a stressful scene where the audience knows whats going on while ruby does not.

ruby might meet adam at night in vale, in a shady back alley as she takes shortcuts to get back to beacon while blake talks to weiss or yang about her past mentor. blake could describe how much he loathes humans, and that he would hurt a human on sight simply because, overlayed with ruby seeing adam in an alleyway or something. the audience is on edge, blake is on edge, adam is on edge, and ruby is clueless. having the scene end with adam not attacking ruby and instead having him leave her unharmed releases the tension from the audience while also having them immediately question blake. was blake embellishing the truth? or was she simply telling her truth? especially for a character who's whole thing is lies and misdirection. could be interesting i think.

any conversation adam and ruby do have would be their opposing views on what being a hero means, and what you have to do as a hero. more so, ruby not knowing what heroism means to her besides it being ideallic while adam is much more jaded and set in stone about what heroism means. gimmie that juicy narrative conflict. the conflicting ideals. thats what im here for.

if there is a reveal for ruby that he is adam of the white fang, or his past with blake, or anything, you could easily slot in a betrayal element (but id rather save betrayal for cinder and ruby) or something. maybe the white fang aren't as antagonistic as they are in the show proper (to the point of Evil Pokemon Organization for the sake of it), or something, but i could see adam mentioning at some point that a leader must be a rock, or something along the lines of why he succeeds in leadership. maybe during a fight? who the hell knows. he plants ideas in rubys head about heroism, that maybe heroism isnt just upholding the law or upholding the current system. he makes her, and the audience, think. thats the important part

eventually at the end of an arc, or something, i think ruby would be able to answer him confidently about what it means to be a hero to her, and that their definitions are similar, but not the same, and that is why they'll remain on opposing sides until one budges. and both are incredibly stubborn. i think ruby's conclusion of what being a hero is, is to help those that cannot help themselves and to see the good in the world no matter what. one of her key traits is her optimism compared to everyones pessimism.

maybe some reasons for adam's interest in ruby is that optimism of hers. he used to be younger and idealistic too, but the world is cruel and he has seen the worst that the world has to offer, stuff like that. he finds it frustrating, or maybe even annoying, that the system that thrives off putting him and his people down creates naive shut ins like ruby. maybe he then respects her and sees her as an equal after she figures out how she sees the world. or something. ruby sees the good in everyone despite the horrors people throw at her, and maybe she inspires him to do the same. idk

this is all not even talking about the can of worms that is weiss and adam. which is also so interesting to me but they just didnt tickle 14 year old me's brain so. im stuck with the Rarest Rarepair. all aboard lol

i find it so interesting how they could be represented by monty's distinction, ruby is scatter, and adam is wilt. two different ways for dealing with conflict despite their similar appearances of something traditionally sweet and loving: roses

now if i wasn't just writing a story with an exploration of themes and you just told me to take what i want and force two characters together to make out, yeah id have ruby and adam tongue sloppy. who's gonna stop me

[ladysomething]

oh hun, and anon whose birthday was Idk when (hbd by the way! and don't worry, you're still young, love) if you guys feel old, how am I supposed to feel (early 90s baby here) 😖

the only reason I have not gone insane this week over the lack of wygig, has been weariness. first time I'm actually thankful for my shitty working hours.

and you know who IS going insane?? my brother! who actually has normal working hours! good for you maddie, having a random man drooling across the world, crawling up walls waiting for your moment to come back. (talking as if I was not the same) and nahh, the fisting is nothing. they've seen me read this stuff for yeaaaars. well not exactly but you get what I mean

honestly I shall praise. I have nothing else to do right now, and as I can't over analyze this week's chapter, I must yap about why I love your way of writing. and over analyze the snippet.

1. your way of writing is one of my favorites in ao3. you have this talent to get in people's heads and make them NEED to see more. crack. cocaine. I guess my mom would be much more happy that her children are addicted to this rather than irl drugs. mad(s) respect for that.

2. you're kinda a mastermind as well. everything is so well thinked and planned. kudos to saiyanwitcher as well for helping you out with this one. beautiful.

3. your characterization kills it. look, I've NEVER met this people, let alone think they would actually be in this situation. but. if they had to go through something like it. this is the way I think they would be like. I can bet on it. swear even. it just. fits. lovely.

4. I love that you make these long chapters that feel like nothing. you just inhale them. every time I read you I'm always looking at the little bar in the screen that tells how far along we are. I just don't want it to end. but even if you leave a cliffhanger, the chapters always feel complete. like it was meant to finish there. no more no less no further ahead. perfect.

5. I love how you engage with us. feed us crumbs and see how the world sets in fire, sometimes going insane with us too. is just refreshing. I like to imagine you in your couch, throwing us a bone and laughing at how we go nuts about it.

+1. I love the Max crush that you created in me. thank you very much for that. lives were changed. eyes were opened.

+2. my brother and I were going crazy over jealous Charlie. I quote him "oh lui è innamorato. che bello. y no se da cuenta! sei molto stupido Charle" (that's 'oh he is in love. and he doesn't even realize! you are very stupid Charle' for you) Imagine that with angry hand movements and frustrated pacing through a kitchen with a pan on his hand. proper italian, my brother. lost some points throwing some spanish in there but I would still give him like a 8.3/10 for the performance. go and sink us even more in the stereotype/jk

+3. I was today years old when I found out saiyan was the way english speakers write saiyajin. I even had to google and triple check it because I wasn't sure whether it was actually like that or my dislexic brain was just messing with me.

all to say. I love everything you write. give me that fire changed my brain chemistry first. I also found out way too much later than I would've wanted that it was your fic as well. not today but still not so long ago. lovely beautiful thing it was too.

birthday anon started it!!!

also what can I say ... thats my sheer power .. random men drooling across the world ... 💅 but also, them knowing that you read that stuff and reading it with you is very different I fear.

thank you 😭😭 that's very kind, and I'm so happy that that's the effect it has. it's exactly the effect I want!

@saiyanwitcher is the real mastermind tbh. I just write it!

personally I think characterisation is one of my strongest points as a writer, so I'm glad that it hits for you like it does for me!

ahhh I'm so glad they go fast! sometimes I write a chapter and I'm like ... this is 10k of absolutely nothing .. how boring.

I do absolutely laugh, I'm sorry. I laugh a lot.

+1. I'm so glad I've encouraged you to see the light. my Max crush rages fiercely every single day.

+2. YOU'RE ITALIAN?! please remind your brother that my DMs are open if he and his gf break up.

+3. I'll be so for real. I have no idea what you're talking about.

omgggg I'm so glad you loved GMTF too. my fave fic of mine tbh.

thanks for dropping in as always!!

[margarine-archives]

Henlo! hope you ain’t to busy when i request this but, can you do a (platonic) expresso cookie x dragon! teen! reader, like all of a sudden expresso cookie is requested to aid in a research project of the reader? everything else is up to you! thanks so much in advance ^^ srry if it is a tad bit specific

An Injured Teen Dragon!Reader (Hybrid) with: Espresso Cookie !

notes: omg omg my main my dearly beloved. I've always wanted to write for mama espresso

- he was requested for an expedition, to look for a certain dragon who's in need of aid. Espresso saw less importance of it, also because anything with dragons isn't in his field of study

- so naturally, and because he already has a few projects due, he denied the request at first

- eclair told him to expand his knowledge on other fields other than coffee magic, and should try history once in awhile ! that was not the reason he accepted though (primarilly because he has lower interest in history, therefore less prioritized the subject)

- why should they need him in an expedition such as aiding a dragon though ? He has less knowledge about dragons and figured that eclair should have been more than enough for the mission, so naturally he lacked interest

- though eclair was already part of the mission, they needed him too.

- What caught his interest though, is that you are a hybrid from an old doughline thats gone extinct ! The knowledge of your existance only exists in books and old scrolls now

- ur a hybrid from a powerful doughline, your kind existed even before the dark flour war until a research group have been targeting your family for more knowledge, to research your kind and to make multiple test experiments on them

- now the same research group had found you, and has tried capturing you, and by the divines you were able to escape their trap. Now, you are currently in hiding

- word got out to parfaedia and while they are intrigued with your kind, abusing such power over innocent creatures is the least of what they want, hence, the council has decided on an rescue expedition alongside professional healers.

- espresso himself even despises this, and, after hearing the full story, agreed to go (also because he's willing to see the said hybrid cookie)

- when they had arrived, the same research team got to you before they did, and lets just say it was an hourly long battle..

- espresso carrying you to the balloon while the healers try and heal you as quick as possible, while latte is sheilding you guys from the front, trying to distract them simultaneously, eclair and the others are in the frontlines attacking the researchers, any sneaky researcher that dares sneak up near the balloon will face the wrath of coffee magic !

- though normally espresso would be in the frontlines fighting aswell, he was really more concerned about you rather than letting his anger out on those pesky researchers, you didn't deserve what you went through ! not your fault you're rare though

- despite the pity for you being used for the sole purpose of research, he can't help his own curiosity too. He's heard of such kind in historical scrolls but he's never met one !

- he thinks you are still young to even be used as a test subject, you have so much ahead of you and for that to be taken away by researchers is cruel !

- He wants you to live like any other cookie, not to die and just become part of history. You and your family don't deserve what you went through, if it werent for those researchers your kind wouldn't even go extinct !

- he knows its far too unsafe to let you go after you are healed, and the researchers basically know where your home is too. With this, he's taken you in under his care (he knows you still have potential too ! hes willing to make you strong again)

- he doesn't know what dragons eat, all he knows is that you eat star jellies too, thats about it. He's willing to hear you out on what food you like (so he can get them the next day)

- months after taking you in under his care, he got attached, only to find out that you're quite literally the only one in your family that isn't in a cage right now, so despite his busy schedule, he's your new parent now

- would probably train you with dark magic aswell

- his only break from coffee research is to take care of you, due to this, not much bonding time happens with the two of you. If you express how you feel to him then he'll be sure to make spare time for you from now on (admittedly you were kindof scared at first)

- madeline thinks this is good opportunity for him to take a break and get some rest, he tells you in private to take good care of him too, as he heavily neglects his own health

- quite embarassing that an adult is being taken care of by a teen hybrid

- you still have your dragon insticts, and you dont enjoy staying in one place for too long, so most of the time you ask him if you can go out, he agrees but comes along with you to ensure that you don't end up in a cage.. though on occasions where he's REALLY busy, he declines (he'd be far too worried about your safety than focusing on his work, and espresso hates distraction)

- mama espresso loves you very much and hopes that you can grow up and be just like him, powerful and strong ! he's willing to do anything in his power for you to atleast be able to defend yourself, because god forbid he'll start panicking if you've been gone for too long (and he wants you to go out in your own free will, and he wants to be able to NOT worry when you're outside

[asphaltvalkyrie]

I had an extremely slow day at work today, so I chose to look busy by writing about BG3. Someone smarter than me has probably had this revelation before, but it gave me pause enough for me to feel like I need to share it.

I decided to romance Gale in my 2nd playthrough, with the intent of letting him get ahold of the Crown of Karsus, and its making me Feel Things.  I like this walking apocalypse of a wizard a lot (he and Karlach are my easy faves,) but its taken romancing him to really see that

tl;dr Gale's backstory really makes a handy allegory for gifted kid burnout.

From the beginning he was special, a golden child, someone who would do great things and go far. So, he ended up building his entire personality on that eventuality.  Older authority figures took a special interest in his talent and he immediately wanted nothing more than to please them, at the cost of making friends or learning life skills (well, except cooking apparently?) 

(Then there's the whole issue of him developing a sexual relationship with Mystra who was without a doubt considerably older than he was and had that "but he's so mature for his age," mindset and all the fuckery that comes with that holy shit I can't even begin to desconstruct how much that would fuck someone up.)

Then he makes a mistake. He breaks a rule he didn't know existed. Why doesn't he know that rule existed?  Because no one told him.  They conflated his intelligence with maturity and his self-confidence with knowing his own limits. They forgot that he's basically a kid compared to them. (Elminster is what, centuries old?  And Mystra is a fucking deity.) He lacks the emotional maturity to understand why what he did was so bad. 

Gifted kids know.  Among the absolute worst thing an adult can say to you is "I expected more of you," or "you should have known better." Which is pretty much what Elminster and Mystra said to him. And then they not only withdrew their attentions and support, but they also refused  to help him deal with the orb - an omnipresent physical and spiritual reminder of his trangression. After that... he just has no idea what to do with himself. He sits in his wizard tower until the Mind Flayers get him.

By the time the others find him, he's realized that the talent he used to get by on no longer serves him, but since he built his whole personality around it, he doesn't know how else to act.  So he maintains the bluff and bluster of a child prodigy, but he's now keenly aware of how pointless it is. He seems insufferably arrogant at times, but there's a razor-fine edge of self-loathing to that arrogance that he couches in self-aware humor. Over the course of his short time with the party he starts to feel like he's cared for and among friends, and even proves himself an attentive, affectionate and very grateful partner if you romance him.

Then Elminster shows up and tells him to atone for what he did by suicide bombing the Elder Brain. Bam, there goes his hope of finding a life outside of that "greatness" others told him he was destined for.  Once a gifted kid always a gifted kid.  Destined to be a human sacrifice on the altar of someone else's expectations, for good or ill. 

And in a semi-related note, when you take him through the Dryad's trial, the answer to the question "whats his biggest flaw" is that "he thinks the world would be better off with him dead" and he says that its very true, but he didn't realize it until you said it.

Then you find the Annals of Karsus, and what does he say he wants to do with it? Reforge the Crown of Karsus with it so that he can obtain godlike power and make the world better for mortals, and he wants to share it with you.  With how smart he is, he really should know thats a terrible idea. But he doesn't, because of a combination of hubris and naivete.  He learned absolutely zero lessons from the orb debacle because he hasn't really been allowed to learn any lessons beyond "I just have to do the thing I'm good at, only I have to try harder this time."

I'm only on the second netherstone, but I have a feeling that this is going to end very badly.

[cannibal-nightmares]

probably ssmi-disturbjng nonsensical vent ramble because I can't sleep

thinking about how i van get free councilling from the local college from to-be shrinks in training--thinking abt how id be some college yuppies pipedream (or nightmare), a schizo in the flesh. i donf actually restrict defining myself as schizophrenic, but-sorry-the things I need therapy for agitate me so bad, I'll admit it, and I'd want a seasoned professional if I want to get anywhere beyond teaching someone like a lab rat; thats not lack of compliance, its self-awarness. tbh I will actually probably try this route but i also know too clear the reality.

the reason I care about this at all all of a sudden is: I've reallized just what it's going to look like. i need help i do i want to see these doctors and i *have* do you hear me i *have* and I've *tried* and I *continue* to try; I've let them poke at me and ask questions and drag me along--each time, whether they notice it or not, whether it becomes morethanclear, whether I noticed in the moment and say it out loud or if I keep it to myself or if I realize it afterwards, each time i hear overwhelming voices and see stuff. I learned recently rhat my last doc wrote almost a mini psych eval at each meet we had, and in her notes, on each day, she wrote something like "patient is calm, not anxious" etc, but did you know every time I saw her, the room would melt and it was so distractinf. jve had docs get annoyed with me for carrying around a list or script but man I can't remember anything or form any words when everything around me is sinking into the floor. this is all to say, this is all to say, if I want my medical help to be successful, I need someone in my corner to say, "Hey, he might be schizo but please god listen to him," and learne better coping skills even though my current skills are so off the shits at this point that I ended up teaching my last,shrink from a year ago new things aaahhh I just need it in writing that I am not dangerous they all have gotten so scared of me when it's just me who's terrfied of them and forces beyond fhem.

it's a long long story at this point but they're trying to refer me to a neurologist again. which *is* what my original goal was (because thats where my original pcp had me). and I *will* follow through if the path leads there. but. i have so many physical problems now I (also?) want them to redo a general exam. tbh I kinda thought thatsnwhere they'd restart.these people don't know me at all. eleven minutes, she spoke to me for 11 minutes. when I had a regular pcp, one ofnthe *first* things I mwntipned was a weird pain in my left side right behind my bottom ribs. it was dull an inconsistent but I told her. she poked at it, etc, ans told me, quote--I will never forget this--"there's not really much over there that this could be." nothing? oh really nothing? is there just a void in my abdomen over there? im saying this because it's still a problem. ofc it's only gotten worse. it's sharp and it moves around tjat general area. and it wakes me up and scares me. why did they leave me to the wayside why am I still here. I feel like that is/was such an easy look-at than all of my nerve problems and yet? also I repeated myself every time I saw her that it was still an,issue. "it's too expensive to--" ok money means nothing to me if I'm dead. if this was a little thing that has exploded into life or death, I'm going to lose my mind.

im convinced im a dead man walking. I don't think im actively dead, but that im good as dead. my second best plan of action is to wait for the jnsurance market to open november 1st, my first best plan is only the best if I get the gamble and the timing right--high risk high reward. ill be honest, I've thought about walking into an er and admitting myself but they're going to focus on the wrong thing; the social worker I saw recentlyn was concerned for my mental health, sure, but she was more concerned and angry for me that my physical issues have been strung along from day one. if I'm not already insane, fhis is going to drive me to the edge. it already has. ill admit I've thought about doing stupid reckless things to land me somewhere closer to where I need to be. thisnsystem is going to eat me Alive I know it; the best case scenario is in 10 years (if I live thatclong) I will look back on all of this as an embarrassingly funny memory.

fheres *one* thing I haven't mentioned to a single soul yet but it's because idk how. it's like a beast in cage that hasn't realized the door is open yet. I have some major delusions around *it* and idk how to face it alone. but I also don't knownhow to invite anyone into this world. thisnis also why I wouldn't mind a shrink. byt I'm a special case aren't I? I hate it. I don't want to be special. I literally sound like a TV stereotype don't I.

I'm shooting blind shots in the dark at this point why are people mad at me that nothing is landing? I have this constant g overwhelming feeling of I want to go home. i want a hug and i want to go home. There is no physical home is there im in my room rn and I want to go home it's pathetic at this point. I didn't wait. do you hear me? I didn't. I've been in this since the end of 2021. where are we? why didn't they listen to me? I keep finding myself asking that. I know thisnwhole thing is just me repeating myself but there is literally nothing else I can do rn. all I can rn is wait for my nurse to reply back to me. my nerves are on fire and they keep waking me up as cruel reminders. I just want to go home. I am selfishly tired of being the strong one at work. why is it always me? selfishly, why? in one breath im the crazy untrustable young schizo and in the next breath I am the battering ram, the pillar, the mediator, the steady voice of reason. verstehst?? "mad is the man forced to feel the emotion he is forbidden to have at the same time." I,dont wanf to talk about it, I just want to go home.

"I slide off the spectrum, I don't fall anywhere. I'm not counting errors."

[mattmurdocksscars]

Would it be possible for you to write something with black widow reader and daredevil? 👀 Maybe something like the reader still being in the red room but wanting to leave because Matt told them that they were more than just a widow?

Okay, Nonnie. I'm sorry this took so long and I hope it's not actual trash BUT! Here you go.

Warnings: death, vomiting, stereotypical violence

"You should leave. You hate working for Dreykov and what he makes you do. You're so much better than that."

You scoff, looking over at the man standing across from you. His red suit cuts an imposing figure against the night but you've fought worse than the Devil in front of you.

"And do what, D? What does an assassin do once they leave they're only purpose?"

It's the Devil's turn to scoff and shake his head.

"Thats not your only purpose. You could get away, live a normal life-"

"And just how am I supposed to live a normal life? Do you have any idea how many people I've killed? Not exactly a dinner topic. Then there's the whole sterilization thing. That's another fun conversation piece. Just drop it, D."

You go to turn away but the Devil's there, grabbing your arm and turning you back.

"What about those other Widows you know. Natasha and Yelena? They got out and are trying to save the others. You could go to them."

You sigh, shoulders sagging. In truth, you wanted nothing more than to get out, to be normal. But you feared that no one would ever see the good in you like the Devil did.

"D, please..."

The Devil takes your hand and moves close, a hairs breadth between the two of you.

"I can't make you leave, you have to decide for yourself. But, please. At least consider it. I know there's good in you or I'd already be dead." He says the last part with a wry little smile. He knows who would win in a fight, not for lack of trying on his part. You're just willing to go all the way, never have been able to stop like he does.

Daredevil had been your mission once. You hadn't been able to finish the job, your loyalties already wavering at that point. When faced with someone as good as him, you hadn't been able to pull the trigger. You were forever scared that now someone else would be sent in, someone without your hesitancy. Someone who wouldn't care about spilling the Devil's blood on the streets of the Kitchen.

And almost as if your thoughts summoned them, a knife came whistling through the air. The two of you just barely dodged, having been so focused on each other. You jumped away from the Devil, thinking the other Widow was after you but when they advanced on him instead of you, you froze. This was the moment you'd feared. Your loyalties had finally been called into question, your time spent 'tracking' the devil having taken too long.

You watched in horror as the other Widow and the Devil exchanged blows. For a few moments, it appeared the Devil had the upper hand but the Widow was craftier, willing and more than able to kill. She managed to get a knife between his ribs and you gasped at the same time as him. He stumbled back, one hand going to the wound, before he fell to his knees. The Widow stood over him and prepared to deliver the killing blow and you had moments to decide what to do.

The Widow's hand arced down.

You made your choice.

The thump of a body hitting the ground was one you'd been forced to get used to but it didn't make you feel any less sick in that moment. You turned and reached, emptying your stomach right there on the rooftop.

You startled when a bloody hand pulled your hair out of your face.

"Easy. It's just me." The low rumble of his voice made tears well up and you forced them down in favor of turning to him. His face was pale and drawn tight where you could see and you knew the wound he had would require medical attention soon. But that didn't stop him from cupping your face and pressing his forehead to yours.

"Thank you." He breathed, knowing what you had just sacrificed for him.

"What do I do now, D? I-"

"Matt."

"What?"

"My name is Matt. And you come with me. Let me take care of you." You let out a watery laugh.

"You don't seem to be in any shape to be caring for anyone but... okay. Guide me and I'll get us there so we can patch you up."

You had no idea what your future would hold as you helped Matt from the rooftop, but you knew two things.

One, Matt would stay by your side as long as you let him, his loyalty demanding it.

And two...

You really needed to get into contact with Natasha and Yelena. And soon.

[letitrainathousandflames]

goth counter culture was your thesis??? do tell. thats so metal my dude do tell please I need the facts and information.

(not me reading tags because Im curious)

*flails excitedly* aaaah yes I have a degree in Fashion Design and Goth subculture (with an emphasis on its fashion aspect, of course) was the focus of my thesis. I'll go on into the fashion aspect bc otherwise this post will be gigantic <3

Subcultures are SO cool because they resist to the pull of the mass culture. They are where aesthetic, fashion, ideology, art, politics and more meet and create entire movements that refuse to conform and be blended into what is deemed Normal and Acceptable.

Punk and Goth are two amazing examples of movements that go against what fast fashion and consumerism culture dictates.

Punk fashion looks cooler the more worn and frayed by use each piece is. Stains and holes in the fabric are irrelevant, poems and art is scribbled with markers on the jeans of pants and canvas of shoes, all those chains and spikes on belts and bracelets are bound to yank or rip at a seam here and there and no one cares.

Punk got that jacket at a second hand shop twelve years ago and has been covering it on patches and song lyrics and they will not bat an eye at some pre-ripped, pre-frayed, overpriced jacket because there are twenty of them that look exactly like it on the same rack and they all lack soul and history.

Any Forever 21's pre-made "punk" jacket with false pockets and perfectly symmetric frayed ends will never have what an old-school haphazardly patched and scribbled jacket where one's hands can sink past the wrists in its pockets have.

Similarly, Goth fashion is contrary to fast-paced consumerism culture in the sense that it rejects the concept of trends and of certain styles/colors/accessories/etc being "in" or "out".

That does not mean that Goths are cheap, though! A high-quality, sturdy corset can cost about $120, more if it's made to measure, and one will be happy to buy it because it's a staple piece that can be matched with most of a goth's wardrobe and will last decades if properly taken care of.

An interesting point about the complete disregard for Autumn/Winter or Spring/Summer and the whole "oh I can't wear this, it's so last season!" is the fact that most goth shops - many of which sell handmade fashion - sell the same pieces in and out of seasons.

If a classic, Wednesday Addam-esque black dress with white lacy collar and underskirt for volume works and is selling well, why ditch the design at the end of some arbitrarily created period of time? Why stop selling pieces that work and are good just because you theoretically can't sell sleeveless dresses during winter?

Another aspect is that, if everything you own is mostly black, you'll hardly have issues matching pieces together, and if you love a particular dress or jacket too dearly and they are in good state but their color has been washed into a pale grey, you can always have them re-dyed back into their original raven-like glory.

Needless to say, fast-fashion wear-it-and-discard-it-in-a-year people are... not very fond of such subcultures and their refusal to renovate their wardrobes every goddamn year.

In my course of studies, we go through two evaluating processes for our thesis: one at the writing, data-gathering, book-quoting phase; and another one at the debating, using what was studied as a base, creating your fashion collection phase.

I had to defend my thesis twice, and I would be failed a third time if my favorite teacher who really liked my work hadn't infiltrated the evaluating border while pretending not to know me and gave me a score high enough to pass to the next phase despite the other teachers' low score.

Because those teachers really really hated that I had picked a target audience that demanded quality over quantity and were mostly immune to the market's pressures as the focus of my study. They wanted me to do like 17 out of the 19 other students in my class and just do beachwear instead.

Y'know, because "this is Brazil, and why are you picking such a complicated topic like Goths and how they need breathable, lighter fabrics here because the U.S. and British brands usually makes clothes in warmer fabrics so buying clothes online isn't really a solution..."

(these are the same people who told the girl who wanted to make clothes for tattooed, female bodybuilders that her target audience didn't exist, and I had turn to her and loudly say that I knew a female bodybuilder, and she could easily get her in touch with others for her research. Oh. I think I just traced back to why those teachers might hate me. Oops lmao)

Anyway I passed to phase 2, had a blast working on my designs with my fav teacher as my guide, and even though I'm seeking out a career path more focused on art rather than fashion, I'm really proud of how it turned out.

That thesis was my baby and I think both passion and spite were my fuel to make it <3

[sag-dab-sar]

Interesting idea that popped up on my dash that quite a lot of [edit: people I follow] seem to agree on: The Gods gain power through worship.

I want to write about it because I simply disagree with the concept since the majority of my Gods would have been rendered powerless by now. I am coming from a dual pantheon perspective which many with the idea may have single pantheon perspectives.

If I was to base my theology solely on a small handful of Mesopotamian myths then yes, the Gods would need us for their own comfort; specifically they'd need us to farm the land and give them food. I don't ascribe to those myths literally, in the same way that I don't ascribe to the literal physical flat earth cosmology of the Mesopotamians.

How can fire incarnate, Girra/Gibil, work all over the world when only a small corner of the globe worshipped him 5000 years ago? How on earth would he be even remotely relevant to me— someone who is far removed from the worshippers he acquired power from, in both time and location.

Or another fire example, Vulcan. Volcanoes exist all over the world, volcanoes have never waned in their power, they remain an ever constant threat. Yet by the year 1000ce his worship had essentially vanished not to be revived again until the 1900s. How much did his power wane in those centuries? And why did volcanoes not become less of a threat?

If we take a soft polytheism approach then essentially the worship of a "fire god" most likely never disappeared and has been continuous to this day. If we take an animism approach, which I'm more keen on, then I suppose volcanoes have spirits and powers of their own— but in this case worship would not = power because not every individual volcano is worshiped.

Regardless, I'm blathering on about my beliefs and I am not a soft polytheist so I'll put that idea off to the side. If the Gods gained power through worship then they would lose it through lack of worship in my mind. Considering we just re-discovered the names of Amorite deities, its safe to say, direct worship of them probably hasn't existed for a minimum of 2000 years. So are these Amorite deities powerless compared to their well documented peers?

I suppose when you come from a theology that posits the existence of thousands of individual distinct deities (but also hundreds of syncretisms who are probably also their own distinct selves... . . . isn't the ANE fun?) its hard to see their power coming from worship. Zeus would be much much more powerful than Enlil, and Nanaya would be practically powerless compared to Aphrodite— I just can't accept that.

Then again I also believe the Gods existed in some form before humans, have lives and duties unrelated to humans, and will probably exist after us; if they relied on worship it wouldn't square with that idea. I tend not to get into the details of the non-human stuff because, well, it's irrelevant to my life.

Anyways thats a brain dump don't take it as an attack on your beliefs. We are all free to have our own ideas. It was just something I saw quite a few people looking at.

-not audio proof read.... frankly not even proof read-